So, I'm trying to keep up with this whole blogging thing. It's really not as easy as it seems. I mean, you have to do stuff if you want to write, and frankly, going to work and school isn't very exciting. I would love to be able to post about all the awesome amazing and fun things we're doing, but something tells me no one wants to hear about how I was able to change "marks" in Scrabble UpWords into "farts," which made us all collapse into a fit of giggles. Yeah, it's funny, but... I dunno, maybe I'm just not that good a writer.
I do love to craft, but I just haven't had the TIME to do any real crafting lately. A while back I made a bunch of clothes for my grandbaby, but I have barely touched my machine since then, and that was well before she was even born! But I'm still trying. Maybe when things settle down, I'll be able to have time to do creative stuff, like sewing, crafting with the kids, or going neat places that deserve to be blogged about, but really I'm most concerned with just having a roof over my head and electricity to keep the food in the fridge good. Well, who knows, maybe some day soon things will start looking up and I'll be able to spare time to do the fun stuff again. Have a great night!
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Friday, March 24, 2017
Wow...
Has it really been over two years since I wrote anything? Seriously? Well, it's not as if anyone actually reads this, or even cares what happens with me. When I write it's more for catharsis than for any sort of blogging fame, so it really doesn't matter to me whether anyone reads it or not. But so very much has happened since my last post. The kids hogs sold, then the next year they raised three more, which also sold, though not quite the way we had intended, and then this year we opted not to raise any pigs, as we didn't have a proper pen any longer, nor did we have the money for their feed and general well-being. But that's so very little of what all has been going on...
In August of 2015, I made the decision that I couldn't live with my husband any longer. You see, he's an alcoholic, and refuses to even try to get help to stop drinking, and his drinking... Let's just say there were many, MANY occasions where we were all walking on eggshells because he was drunk and raging about. There were also several incidences of him thinking it was 4 or 6 in the morning and hauling ass "to get to work" at 11:30 at night (the day before he was supposed to work) because he had passed out drunk in the shower and couldn't understand the concept of "it's still night, no one has gone to bed yet, you're really NOT late to work" and so he flew out of the house, still stone drunk, and would drive the 40+ miles to work, only to arrive and be told that it was still night time and he didn't have to be at work for another 8-10 hours. Yeah, I didn't feel I could allow my kids to have to deal with that anymore. They didn't deserve it, and I didn't feel that I deserved the poor treatment I would get from him, especially when he was completely soused.
So I packed up some of the younger kids belongings, my oldest refused to go with us because he felt he still needed to "take care" of his dad when he got bad, and we started staying at my dad's house. This worked out well for dad as well as for us, as not he had someone to boss around, but also someone to cook and clean for him, though admittedly I didn't always keep the house quite as clean as he would have liked. That is, until it became apparent that his "minor memory issues" were anything but minor. He started demanding I do things that I had no idea how to do (filing legal papers, writing quotes for jobs he was trying to bid on, things like that), and threatening to throw us out whenever I didn't comply with his every unreasonable demand. But he would still leave and spend a week or more in South Florida, where his first home is, and so the kids and I had some time to unwind and not feel so rushed and threatened all the time. But his memory got still worse, until a few months back his doctor diagnosed him with dementia. My siblings and I have been trying to deal with his diagnosis, and his refusal to take medication to help it, ever since. Now it looks as though we may have to put him in an assisted living facility, but I think we all knew that would be coming eventually.
So I tried to work things out with my husband on more than one occasion, but my condition was that he had to stop drinking completely, not just in the house, not just whenever we were home, there could be ZERO drinking, not in the car on the way home (yep, he drinks and drives, isn't THAT fun?), NONE, and though he would try, it would only last for a week, two weeks, MAYBE a month, but never for long enough to really make a difference. Then recently, when I thought he was really giving it up again, I discovered that he has a girlfriend. It fair broke my heart, because I was really hoping we could have one more chance, and maybe this time he really would stop, he would get the help he needed and we could be a family again. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this development, especially due to the fact that he's going to be 50 this year, and this woman is 28. But I think this was the final straw that made me realise this marriage simply wasn't meant to be. Which saddens me, because I do truly care for him, but maybe that's not enough to make holding on to a marriage worth doing. But I don't hate him, and I probably never will, because he fathered two of my beautiful children, and I will forever be thankful for them.
For now though, we're still living at dad's house, but for the most part, barring a 2-3 day "visit" about every 1-3 months, it's just me and the kids. Oh, yeah, about the kids... It seems my family was destined to expand in a way I hadn't imagined happening at my age. It turned out that my oldest, who moved back to be with us in August of last year, wasn't quite as careful as he could have been, and he got his girlfriend pregnant. So she moved in with us around September, which meant he and his girlfriend were sleeping on an air mattress in the living room for a few months before I took pity on them and moved them into a bedroom. It took some creative rearranging for the lot of us, as this isn't a very large house, but it has worked out fairly well. And then, in early February, we were graced with the wonder of my very first ever grandbaby, a beautiful little baby girl. And he and Mama kept with tradition and gave the baby a floral name, just like my sweet Miss V, who isn't so Wee anymore. In fact, next August she will be in high school, I almost can't believe it!
I'm also currently going back to school, though I may need to take a break next semester to settle in to a few things, and I've gotten my first real job in about 13 years. I'm not terribly good at it yet, but I'm getting there, so that's good. It's just a part-time grocery store cashier position, but it's enough that I can pay a couple of bills and still have money left over for things like gas in my car and the occasional treat for the kids. I'm being cautiously optimistic about it, because even though I am still applying for full-time jobs, this is a start. And it will do for now, even if not forever. And it definitely will not work forever, as I know I'll have to get a place of my own eventually, and that will require a full-time paycheck, for certain.
So, that's about it up here in rural north Florida. Though there are many things I think I would like to change, since none of that is possible, I'll just have to make the best of what I have going on. And that's okay for now. :)
In August of 2015, I made the decision that I couldn't live with my husband any longer. You see, he's an alcoholic, and refuses to even try to get help to stop drinking, and his drinking... Let's just say there were many, MANY occasions where we were all walking on eggshells because he was drunk and raging about. There were also several incidences of him thinking it was 4 or 6 in the morning and hauling ass "to get to work" at 11:30 at night (the day before he was supposed to work) because he had passed out drunk in the shower and couldn't understand the concept of "it's still night, no one has gone to bed yet, you're really NOT late to work" and so he flew out of the house, still stone drunk, and would drive the 40+ miles to work, only to arrive and be told that it was still night time and he didn't have to be at work for another 8-10 hours. Yeah, I didn't feel I could allow my kids to have to deal with that anymore. They didn't deserve it, and I didn't feel that I deserved the poor treatment I would get from him, especially when he was completely soused.
So I packed up some of the younger kids belongings, my oldest refused to go with us because he felt he still needed to "take care" of his dad when he got bad, and we started staying at my dad's house. This worked out well for dad as well as for us, as not he had someone to boss around, but also someone to cook and clean for him, though admittedly I didn't always keep the house quite as clean as he would have liked. That is, until it became apparent that his "minor memory issues" were anything but minor. He started demanding I do things that I had no idea how to do (filing legal papers, writing quotes for jobs he was trying to bid on, things like that), and threatening to throw us out whenever I didn't comply with his every unreasonable demand. But he would still leave and spend a week or more in South Florida, where his first home is, and so the kids and I had some time to unwind and not feel so rushed and threatened all the time. But his memory got still worse, until a few months back his doctor diagnosed him with dementia. My siblings and I have been trying to deal with his diagnosis, and his refusal to take medication to help it, ever since. Now it looks as though we may have to put him in an assisted living facility, but I think we all knew that would be coming eventually.
So I tried to work things out with my husband on more than one occasion, but my condition was that he had to stop drinking completely, not just in the house, not just whenever we were home, there could be ZERO drinking, not in the car on the way home (yep, he drinks and drives, isn't THAT fun?), NONE, and though he would try, it would only last for a week, two weeks, MAYBE a month, but never for long enough to really make a difference. Then recently, when I thought he was really giving it up again, I discovered that he has a girlfriend. It fair broke my heart, because I was really hoping we could have one more chance, and maybe this time he really would stop, he would get the help he needed and we could be a family again. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about this development, especially due to the fact that he's going to be 50 this year, and this woman is 28. But I think this was the final straw that made me realise this marriage simply wasn't meant to be. Which saddens me, because I do truly care for him, but maybe that's not enough to make holding on to a marriage worth doing. But I don't hate him, and I probably never will, because he fathered two of my beautiful children, and I will forever be thankful for them.
For now though, we're still living at dad's house, but for the most part, barring a 2-3 day "visit" about every 1-3 months, it's just me and the kids. Oh, yeah, about the kids... It seems my family was destined to expand in a way I hadn't imagined happening at my age. It turned out that my oldest, who moved back to be with us in August of last year, wasn't quite as careful as he could have been, and he got his girlfriend pregnant. So she moved in with us around September, which meant he and his girlfriend were sleeping on an air mattress in the living room for a few months before I took pity on them and moved them into a bedroom. It took some creative rearranging for the lot of us, as this isn't a very large house, but it has worked out fairly well. And then, in early February, we were graced with the wonder of my very first ever grandbaby, a beautiful little baby girl. And he and Mama kept with tradition and gave the baby a floral name, just like my sweet Miss V, who isn't so Wee anymore. In fact, next August she will be in high school, I almost can't believe it!
I'm also currently going back to school, though I may need to take a break next semester to settle in to a few things, and I've gotten my first real job in about 13 years. I'm not terribly good at it yet, but I'm getting there, so that's good. It's just a part-time grocery store cashier position, but it's enough that I can pay a couple of bills and still have money left over for things like gas in my car and the occasional treat for the kids. I'm being cautiously optimistic about it, because even though I am still applying for full-time jobs, this is a start. And it will do for now, even if not forever. And it definitely will not work forever, as I know I'll have to get a place of my own eventually, and that will require a full-time paycheck, for certain.
So, that's about it up here in rural north Florida. Though there are many things I think I would like to change, since none of that is possible, I'll just have to make the best of what I have going on. And that's okay for now. :)
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Pigs
My children are raising pigs for the local livestock show and sale. The pigs are headed to the sale in about two weeks. But their record books, in which they are suppose to write down everything they do for/ with the pigs, is due Friday. And they've lost the list they made of what they've been doing. >.< I honestly don't know what I'm going to do with these two, because if they don't turn in their books they can't be in the show. And if they're not in the show, they can't sell their pigs, and if they can sell their pigs, they won't earn any money! It's most frustrating, especially since we've worked so hard raising these things!
Monday, January 26, 2015
Hurt
So, back when mom died, I had exactly ONE local friend. She was the only person I felt comfortable enough with/ around to talk to about everything that was going on. I had stood by her all through her divorce earlier in the year, and didn't think we had any problems. But within just a few weeks of mom passing, I stopped hearing back from her. So I decided to call her. The number was disconnected. I thought maybe it was temporary, so I tried again a week or so later. Nope, still disconnected. Now it's been 4 months, and I haven't heard from her. I was worried at first, of course, but since I had only been to her house twice, I couldn't really remember where she lived, so I couldn't go over to find out what was up. Well, yesterday I found out she's been on FB for a while now, under her maiden name. I feel... I dunno, I feel almost like she used me, like I was good enough to be her friend for the year she was dealing with her husband giving her attitude about everything, through finding out he was cheating on her, then the entire divorce procedure, but then the minute I needed help and support, she was GONE. It really hurts, especially since she was literally my only friend in this place. And now I have no one. It really sucks...
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Cooking - An Experiment, of sorts
I decided to try my hand at bulk cooking the other day. I've managed to make the Pioneer Woman's tomato soup, which is currently waiting to be packaged up into single serve containers so it can hit the freezer (I tried to make the Parmesan croutons she had with the recipe and while they were okay, I'm not sure I'll be making them again. lol), I made a whole mess of meatballs, I cooked up about five pounds of ground beef and pork with onions, cooked about 3 pounds of chicken that I then cubed, and even managed to make something for dinner last night as well, another Pioneer Woman recipe, this time for hamburger soup, though I did have to make a few adjustments to it. I didn't realize we were out of celery, or that we didn't have any green peppers, but I made it work just by leaving out the celery and using some leftover yellow peppers we had instead. That soup was really GOOD, and great on a slightly chilly night like last night! I ended up using a good deal of the cooked ground beef and pork mixture I made, but it was worth it to not have to wait for the meats to thaw before cooking. Now I'm trying to decide what to make for dinner, or if I'll just feed the kids and my father leftovers again, but whatever it is, I'm happy to say it'll likely be made from scratch! :)
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Costuming difficulties...
I have a problem. Besides being a terrible procrastinator, I also no longer have anyone close enough to me to help me with sewing problems now that mom has passed. My younger son's costume will take next to no time once I get it started (see where I'm going with that? ONCE it's started? lol), but my daughter's costume is giving me FITS! I'm nearly in a panic over it, to be quite honest. And what's worse, I have just 5 days to get it done. The problem, of course, is that I have an exact idea of what I want to do with it, and I have a pattern, but will have to modify the pattern considerably to make it work, and I'm just not entirely certain if modifying it the way I want to is going to work or not. Honestly, I suppose the only way to find out is to just make the thing, but I'm a chicken and don't want to mess it up. lol But really, I should just DO IT, shouldn't I, and get it done. So tomorrow that is what I'm going to do. I'm going to clear the table, set UP my other crafting table that _FINALLY_ came home from my dad's house (we had used it for birthday parties, as well as for mom's funeral) tonight, so I can really get my craft area all set up and working for me. But I'll still need the dining room table for cutting the fabric. lol If I remember to take pictures as I go, I'll try to remember to post them as well. Wish me luck, all you nonexistent readers! :D
Monday, October 13, 2014
Apples
Things have been rather crazy since mom passed, but they're finally starting to settle down. My father is having some problems coping, likely because my mom did so much for him that without her here to do it for him, he has no idea what's going on. So now I've stepped in and have been doing my best to help him. Unfortunately, he tends to hide things, then forgets where he puts them, and accuses people of stealing them, which of course no one does, but he doesn't think that. So it's been stressful on all of us kids, who are mainly the ones being accused of stealing he things he loses.
Well, a little over a week ago, dad left to go out of town for a while (every time I ask when he's coming back, the date changes, lol) and I'm staying at his house to keep him from worrying about it. Anyway, I realized the other day that he has a LOT of apples here. And by a lot, I mean like over 10 pounds of apples in various different forms. So a couple nights ago, I decided to make apple pie. I really wish I had taken pictures while I was working on it, but I do have a before and an after shot of it. lol
Today I decided to use the 3 pounds of Gala apples I found in the fridge to make apple sauce. I halved the recipe I found on the Pioneer Woman website, substituting a teaspoon of apple pie spice for the 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg. And letmetellyou, the smell in my house is _STILL_ amazing!!! And it tastes SOOO good! I'm going to put it in a jar and just eat it with everything whenever I'm feeling like I want some. lol
I still have a bunch of apples left, though. Now just to find something to do with them. Anyone have any thoughts? 😊
Well, a little over a week ago, dad left to go out of town for a while (every time I ask when he's coming back, the date changes, lol) and I'm staying at his house to keep him from worrying about it. Anyway, I realized the other day that he has a LOT of apples here. And by a lot, I mean like over 10 pounds of apples in various different forms. So a couple nights ago, I decided to make apple pie. I really wish I had taken pictures while I was working on it, but I do have a before and an after shot of it. lol
Today I decided to use the 3 pounds of Gala apples I found in the fridge to make apple sauce. I halved the recipe I found on the Pioneer Woman website, substituting a teaspoon of apple pie spice for the 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg. And letmetellyou, the smell in my house is _STILL_ amazing!!! And it tastes SOOO good! I'm going to put it in a jar and just eat it with everything whenever I'm feeling like I want some. lol
I still have a bunch of apples left, though. Now just to find something to do with them. Anyone have any thoughts? 😊
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