Its in the air!!!

This morning, as I walked out my front door to take my oldest to school and my 13yo to the doctor to have his arm checked, I was confronted with a chill in the air that almost made me turn around and change from shorts to jeans, despite the fact that I knew it would likely turn warmer in the afternoon, which it did. And of course, it had me wishing I didn't live surrounded by evergreen trees, so I could watch the leaves change colours through my living room windows.  But instead, we have live oaks and pines all around, but it still makes me positively giddy knowing that Autumn is finally here! :D

Tomorrow we'll be laying Mama to rest in a lovely green cemetery not too far from the property she and my dad have owned for about 10 years now, and where she has lived almost completely full-time for at least the last 2 years.  I still miss her every day, and have difficulty believing she's really gone, that she's not just a text or a phone call away.  The next few days/ weeks/ months are going to be very difficult for our family, as we all try to pull together to take care of Daddy in mom's absence.  I don't think even he realized how very much he depended on her being there to take care of him, he is totally lost without her.  It breaks my heart in a way I never in my wildest dreams thought it would.  I just keep thinking, if I'm this lost without her, he must be 100 times worse.  So we're all chipping in our time, and even nights with our families, to help make sure Daddy is still comfortable and taken care of.

There simply are no words...

This has been a long, time for me...  Last Wednesday my mom fell from her bed and my father and I had a very difficult time getting her off the floor.  We called an ambulance to take her to the ER, thinking it was a medication reaction, but it turned out to be something much simpler, yet at the same time much worse.  Mom spend the last week and more on several different wards at the hospital before quietly passing on yesterday.  I've been a complete wreck (I'm the youngest, and for the last year I've been the one taking care of her), and didn't think it would ever stop hurting.  It still hurts, it hurts so much I can hardly stand it, but this morning I woke up feeling a sense of calm for a few minutes.  It was a very strange feeling, but I think I kinda like it.  I know I'm going to miss her.  She and I texted almost constantly, and there have already been several instance today alone that I have wanted to text her something funny that I saw or that happened.  This is going to be very difficult, but this morning it feels like it may be ever so slightly more bearable.  I think it hit me so hard because I was so certain she was going to get better.  She would never be 100%, she had too many medical ailments for that, but at least back to where she was before all this.  I'm not looking forward to the next few days/ weeks/ months/ years, but I've been told it gets better/ easier, so I really hope that's true.  I guess I'm just still in shock...

Truth

I'm good at a lot of things, or so I've been told.  In fact, my mother recently told someone that I'm a wonderful mother and an amazing cook.  The problem?  I hate to clean.  Passionately.  In my nearly-40 years, this has never changed.  In fact, years ago I tried to convince myself that the opposite was true, but it never stuck.  As the youngest of 6 kids, I learned very early on that if I left my mess as it was for long enough, eventually someone else, (typically my mother) would clean it up for me.  Of course, this really doesn't WORK in the real world, there the only person to clean up after you is you.  This is a problem when you're like I am, but at this stage in the game, I don't know if it can be changed, or more to the point, if I even _WANT_ it to change.

Blogging...

Blogging is difficult.  It's especially difficult when you don't have Internet.  Then, when you finally GET Internet and can start blogging again, you discover that your Blogger app hates you, and won't let you edit what you write.  Ever.  And that just adds to the difficulty of blogging.  I guess it really doesn't matter, since I have no followers, if I go a year or more between posts, but I really was hoping that wouldn't happen to this blog.  Well, it did, though not quite a year this time, but regardless, I'm hoping to start blogging more regularly.  Yes, my Blogger app still hates me, but I can always write in a notepad file, then copy and paste to the app, can't I?  So, here's to hoping I manage to start blogging more than once every 6 months or so!  :)